I feel uniquely qualified to write about Shark Week, which
for my purposes should be renamed Shark Season.
I got my first shot back in December of last year. The
doctor told me that my desired "side effect" could take up to three
shots to go into effect. Three months later and three months later, and the
desired side effect is exactly non-existent for me. But that may be putting it mildly.
What's actually happened is that not only am I not NOT getting my period, but I
am getting it for weeks. And weeks. And weeks. Out of the roughly 12 weeks per
shot, I probably have my period 7 or 8 of those weeks. Apparently I have the
Energizer bunny of periods: it keeps going, and going, and going.
And now in the end game of the third shot it has only been getting worse. I have had flash flooding that has had nothing to do with the torrential downpours that have plagued my South Central Pennsylvania town in recent weeks. I have had to leave work and other public places in search of dry land and clean undergarments. This is not the birth-controlled, carefree-married-sex driven (and period-free!) existence of which I dreamt.
Unless one's husband is into riding the red tide, I can
assure you that having one's period for eight weeks is not conducive to having
too much sex--which sort of defeats the purpose of having birth control in the
first place. No surprise that Pfizer isn't advertising this particular possibility.
Or maybe they should explain that the real birth control happens when you can't
even squeeze in a quickie because this tide just isn't going out.
Now Aunt Flo hasn't been here all day all the
time. A few times she has made herself
somewhat scarce. It is these opportunities that have made this marginally
bearable, but unfortunately the unbridled freedom of sex without consequences
has been squelched. The staff has been stifled. The muff muffled.
I think it's time to take the old tubes in for a little
trim. It won't prevent Aunt Flo from stopping by, but at least her visits will
be a lot shorter. She's seriously overstayed her welcome here.
Aunt Flo has seriously overstayed her welcome. #SharkSeason2015
Flash Flood! ha ha! But, yeah, this sounds...less than ideal. This reminds me of the ads for all these meds with the pages and pages of "fine print"...
ReplyDeleteIt CAN happen to you! Pfizer can tack this on a an addendum.
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DeleteI had the exact same thing with the shot and bleeding. Ironically, I got the shot to stop my abnormally heavy periods. Now I have a Mirena and they keep saying, "give it one more month". I've had maybe five days where there isn't SOMETHING coming out of my vagina. I'm about to have them yank it and just put up with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre every monthmonth or look into an ablation. Tampax should send me a fucking Christmas card.
ReplyDeleteI had the exact same thing with the shot and bleeding. Ironically, I got the shot to stop my abnormally heavy periods. Now I have a Mirena and they keep saying, "give it one more month". I've had maybe five days where there isn't SOMETHING coming out of my vagina. I'm about to have them yank it and just put up with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre every monthmonth or look into an ablation. Tampax should send me a fucking Christmas card.
ReplyDeleteI had the exact same thing with the shot and bleeding. Ironically, I got the shot to stop my abnormally heavy periods. Now I have a Mirena and they keep saying, "give it one more month". I've had maybe five days where there isn't SOMETHING coming out of my vagina. I'm about to have them yank it and just put up with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre every monthmonth or look into an ablation. Tampax should send me a fucking Christmas card.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how your comment is relentless as well.;) Hope things turn around for you soon, lady.
DeleteI read a lot of stories like this before I got the Depo shot, which is probably why I was shaky when I got it. So far, so good. I got the shot a month ago and I have had no bleeding at all. I had it three days post D and C, though. I think it helped to be totally cleaned out before getting it. I also think that some people do better on progesterone than others. I bleed for weeks on estrogen based birth control. Ortho Tri-cyclen about killed me.
ReplyDeleteWow. It really is true how everyone is different. This has been the worst gynecological experience for me--including 7th degree tearing with the birth of my first daughter. That was fine in a week. This has been months of BLOODY HELL! Pun intended!
DeleteAnd I hope you continue to do well on it, Lisa. I REALLY wished it hadn't been like this for me.
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