November 20, 2010

"To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there's the rub."

insomnia.  not complete and total insomnia.  sort of, intermittent, insomnia.  temporary, i guess.

every night i wake up.  if not of my own accord (cursed is the bladder of the pregnant woman), then by that of my children; up at some point in the night:  the potty break, the thunderstorm, the croupy cough.  last night the coughing had Slim up.  upset that we could not hear him calling in his hoarse and almost non-existent voice, i decided to sleep the rest of the night on his floor next to his bed.  perfect for falling back to sleep.

bedding on the floor aside, even left back on my own comfy pillowtop, i am destined to lay awake for at least an hour or sometimes two, pondering this new life as "mother of three," or contemplating the mountain of laundry needed to be done, or suddenly gnawed by the thought of the report I forgot to submit at work that day.  also perfect for falling back to sleep.

tonight i may lay awake, excited to be going to New York tomorrow with some girlfriends.  i have this sort of "bachelorette" feeling--a last hurrah of sorts.  when your two oldest are eight and six you occasionally have the opportunity to go somewhere without them, and feel wholly like someone's friend, like a pal, like a woman who doesn't not (for once) need to hold up the other end of a conversation about ear infections, school lunches or poop.  tomorrow i will be that woman.  in six months I will not.  at least not for another 5-6 years.

so tonight i shall try my best to sleep (although it occurs to me that this is usually the least effective way of falling asleep).  whether or not i dream?  who cares.  sleep is the thing.  sleep.

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