February 23, 2013

My Girl

This is why I never wanted girls.  So long ago I used to say that when I had kids I wanted all boys.  I had hoped to never have girls.  Ages 9 to 12. This is why.  I remember feeling awkward with myself and uninvited to my life.  How could I possibly offer her anything helpful in these strange years?

Dear Moo,

Why is this so hard to tell you?  Why is it so difficult for me to tell you that YOU are what should matter the most to you.  Maybe it just sounds cheesy or maybe you feel like I would say anything because I am your mom.  That is so not the truth.  I mean, I would say a lot of things, but that doesn't make any of them untrue.
  1. You are beautiful.  Warm brown eyes sitting above those squishy, kissable cheeks.  And those feckles are my favorite.  But to me, that stuff is just obvious.  
  2. You have a funky and fearless sense of style.  Please, don't EVER compromise it.  I clearly remember wanting to wear some crazy stuff that I was just too chicken to try.  You wear it all and you wear it well--with hair to match.  Hang on to that courage and uniqueness, they will serve you well later in life.  
  3. You are an amazing big sister.  You are fun and silly and it is so clear that you love your brother and baby sister--and they love you so much.  
  4. You are so smart and so responsible.  Don't EVER get bored with that. 
  5. You are so caring--CARE ABOUT YOU FIRST.  Don't confuse putting your self first with putting yourself above others, but please never let them make you feel like less.
This is one of those things that is almost impossible for you to comprehend.  If other girls want to try to make you feel bad, remember, it's just because they feel bad about themselves and it makes them feel better to try and put others beneath them.  You are a better person than that.  It is so difficult at your age for you to see that these girls won't matter to you in ten years.  At all.  Don't let them matter now.  Don't let their insecurities become yours.  Don't give them that kind of control.  

You have so much to offer everyone:  as a daughter, a sibling, a friend, a schoolmate, a student and a responsible young lady and citizen.  It is surprising to think about all the "roles" you fill everyday.  That is a lot for anyone, but remember the first and most important thing to be is just yourself.  You're eleven--be happy, have fun, be responsible for yourself and don't stress out about things and people you have no control over.  

The most important thing I need to tell you is that I love you.  You are my first baby, my "big experiment" as I used to joke.  (So far it's going well, I think.)  You make me proud everyday.  You are beautiful, and smarter than I ever imagined and so hard-working in the things you do.  You remind me of me in so many ways--hopefully the right ones.  I need to tell you that I think about these things everyday--I think about what an incredible person you are growing up to be.  I hope and pray every day that you are proud of you too, that you know how incredible you are, and that you never let anyone make you doubt that.   

I love you, love you, love you, my Moo.

Love, Mommy  

1 comment:

  1. I love that, "uninvited to my own lie." Perfect.

    ReplyDelete

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