October 11, 2010

The Big 3 Uh-oh!

Tomorrow is the big day.  the day I find out if I am pregnant.  For the third time.  Unplanned--for the third time.  Three years ago i would have been brimming with excitement, wishing and hoping.  Now I say that I am 90% sure that I am, and the other 10% is just denial.   i cannot believe, until there is undeniable proof.  i was utterly unconvinced by the ambiguous home test results.  both of them.  

don't get me wrong, i love both of my kids.  and, like I said, three or four years ago I was trying desperately to convince my husband that having a third kid might be fun.  flash forward and i am WAY past diaper changing, my little guy is a first-grader and I am over my wild ideas that we should be a party of five.

so, here's the deal.  i could be totally wrong about my whole situation, but i am so horribly symptomatic, that i hope i AM pregnant.  if I'm not now, then there is something seriously wrong with me:  ravenous hunger alternating with persistent nausea, constipation (sorry), ever-present indigestion (already! I mean, enough with the burping and hiccuping.  seriously) and utter exhaustion.  what else COULD it be?

the fact of the matter is, in the end, I will be alright.  there will be a beautiful baby and so much to do, i will forget all about these worrisome days.   and if i am wrong?  well, so i will eat some crow and laugh at myself later.  

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